Darcy Reiger: A Life in Fake Pictures

5 Fantastic Predictions for Buffalo in 2012

These predictions are so shocking, so Earth shattering, that they might actually have a slim chance of maybe, someday, under the right conditions, coming true.

#1. Cheerio factory to make Cinnamon Toast Crunch.

Those who enjoy the smell of Cheerios in the morning as they drive over the Skyway, are now in for a special treat. In 2012, General Mills will retool their Cheerios factory to produce Cinnamon Toast Crunch.

While Skyway commuters are having their olfactory senses overwhelmed with the delicious aroma of cinnamon and sugar, police will be watching closely. “Distracted driving is against the law”, explains one officer, “And if we see you enjoying that delicious smell too much, you will get a ticket.”

 

#2. Roswell Park teams up with Roswell aliens to fight cancer.

Roswell Park, the worlds leading colorectal cancer institute, will collaborate with the Roswell Aliens, the universe’s leading probers of anus, to help fight colorectal cancer.

“No one group has gathered more data on the human rectum than Extraterrestrials. We believe this intergalactic partnership will finally lead to a cure.”

 

 

#3. Terry Pegula announces a new Sabres GM.

Just before the close of 2011, Sabres owner Terry Pegula commented to reporters that “My youngest daughter could have made some of those saves”, after an 8-3 loss to Pittsburgh.

In 2012, look for Mr.Pegula to tell Darcy Regier “My 12 yr old son could GM better than you”, and immediately name his son, Matthew, the new General Manager of the Buffalo Sabres.

 

 

#4. Hydrofracking gives some Buffalonians super powers.

Environmental groups have long warned about the unknown dangers hydrofracking may have on the environment, especially the water table. These groups can now rest easy, because the contaminated water from hydrofracking has given some WNYers superpowers.

Spokespeople for the Environmental Group remain skeptical. “If there are superheros running around now, then how long will it be before there are super villains?

 

 

#5. Bills Mafia goes old school.

The Bills Mafia is group of dedicated Buffalo Bills fans who, in 2011, set themselves apart on Twitter. In 2012, The Bills Mafia will now set themselves apart in the stands at The Ralph by wearing suits.

 

“If a man went to an NFL game in the 1950’s, he wore a dress suit, not a track suit.” says one Bills Mafia member. “Plus…chicks dig guys in suits, so it was an easy decision”.